what i want:

• to read more
• to be more extroverted
• to try new things
• speak my mind
• new clothes
• a sweet turntable and some vinyls
• a polaroid camera
• to go to france this summer
• go to an aquarium
• take a train up to washington
• go camping
• get a job
• sleep on the beach
• make nice videos
• idk meet a boy

musings.

In the end we are all the same.

We are people looking to love, and be loved.

We are people who have feelings, no matter how hard we try to hide them.

We are one of the same, seeking the same things out of life.

To feel like we belong.

To feel like we have a purpose.

le 4 decembre.

I had such a good Monday and today was going well up until 4th period.

Honestly I’m so overwhelmed with school and it makes me depressed and drains out all my energy. I no longer have the will to work hard and that is a fatal mistake for senior year first semester.

Honestly, why do grades have to matter so much in life.

Now I’m off to volunteer and I hope it brightens up my day.

I enjoy the rain.

Why can’t it rain everyday like today.

Oregon please accept me okay thanks

Please.

I just want the surgery and you know I want it, so why can’t you just support me? You have no idea how much I’m annoyed/frustrated/insecure with my jaw and this can totally fix it. It would honestly change my life, just by menial things like eating but also with myself. 

It won’t be until a year from now, but I hope you will see it my way soon enough.

Why can’t I be a good liar like Neal Caffrey? I can’t even convince a librarian of a little white lie.

Nerd Problems.

The librarian wouldn’t let me check out these awesome books because apparently I’m $12 in debt dating back from 2009. What is this fuckery? I mean nonsense (Emma your foul mouth is contagious!)

Seriously I had cool books to check out too. :( A book on Leonardo da Vinci, a book about the Girl with the Pearl Earring, a book about an art thief (sensing a theme here?- the last book reminded me of White Collar) and a book about the Ocean with AWESOME pictures of animals.

Now I have to wait until Monday to check the books out. & I’ll be checking them out with my mom’s library card so I don’t have to pay. TAKE THAT LIBRARY.

Airports & Good-byes.

The big terminals. The hustle and the bustle. A mix of languages finding their way to your ears. Different customs and different people- it all just feels like another world; people are frantically searching for their tickets, emotions running wild, sincere good-byes being said, smiles and tears shed as their loved ones walk through the terminal, waiting for the next time they’ll see them- a week, a month, years. Already counting the days because you’ve grown so dependent on that person, wondering how you’ll get on with the next couple of days without them until you succumb to your habitual lifestyle.

You won’t see her for breakfast tomorrow, you won’t have your cousin to go to the pool with every weekend. The figure who has become like an older sister, whom you didn’t even know existed as of September of last year, will no longer be there to greet you when you get home and ask how your day was. The language barrier no longer seems like an obstacle as you’ve developed your own way to communicate. Everything that seemed to be in the way was nothing but a bug on a windshield.

And tomorrow you have to get on with your life. Reality will settle in. It will sink in. And you will have to move on.

Called it.

Of course I knew that good things couldn’t happen to me. I knew this would fucking happen. First I had the chance to go to France this summer, I would have loved that. And then the chance to Cancun with my best friend came up. I had two amazing opportunities to choose from. France got too expensive (Maybe because my parents waited a freaking year to buy the ticket, even when I said I WOULD BUY IT ON MY OWN. I wanted to go so badly to visit my family) and a bit complicated so I chose Cancun because I knew that would be a blast and would be such an awesome summer vacation. Spending a week in a beautiful place with my best friend and the beach and swimming with whale sharks; I knew it was too good to be true though. To have two opportunities like this open up to me, well, it was too good to be true.

You may call me a pessimistic, but really I’m just a realist. I knew, deep down, that both chances would fall to pieces because it’s happening to me. Seriously I have the worst fucking luck. & excuse the language (I almost never curse) but I’m just really mad at the world.

Why can’t I just be rich and afford awesome vacations like kids at my school. Seriously some of them have it so good and they still complain.  I want to say so many things right now but I’ll stop before I offend anyone.

Tonight I met this guy and I got butterflies around him, and to be honest I don’t know when the last time I felt that. He shook my hand (because my friend introduced us) and I couldn’t speak. It sucks because he’s going off to college..

My friends and I call him Sheldon because he reminds us of Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.

Awkward.

  • Kid in my French class: Madame, where is your nephew going to college?
  • Madame: UC Santa Barbara
  • Me: Oh I want to go there too!
  • Madame: That's awesome. You know he would make a great husband or boyfriend.
  • Me: ....
  • Madame: He doesn't like women though.
  • Me: Oh?
  • Madame: Wait. I mean he's not a player.
  • Everyone: *laughs*
  • Oh Madame haha. Did she just try to set me up with her nephew?

My mom just told me to go outside and party. You mean leave my room, tumblr, and Arrested Development? Hahaha, no. I already took my makeup off and I’m in pjs.

Everyone in my neighborhood is outside being loud and some teenage boys are practicing with their band. 

But I’m comfortable where I am.

le 19 juin

Today was a happy day  (even though the end of the school year is bittersweet for me).

French class went well today. My French teacher let me keep a newish textbook she didn’t need anymore and it’s pretty cool actually (: I also got a 98% on my final after we corrected her answer key and plus some added points. I think now she is starting to warm up to me! 

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